COURAGE DOESN'T ALWAYS ROAR

The weather is different this June than in previous years -- by now it's usually in the mid to high 70's on a regular basis.  Average right now is mid to high 60's.  I had to unpack some of my sweatshirts.  I figured Murphy's Law would improve the weather -- you know, as soon as I unpacked them, I wouldn't need them.  That Murphy is a tricky guy -- he must have known that's what I wanted.

 

But what a busy June we have coming up. 

 

This coming weekend is Kevin's annual Bowling Banquet that the whole family attends.  Normal, considering the hubby and the two boys are on the league.  We are having a clambake this year, rather than the boat cruise the previous years.  I guess the price of the tickets and gas for the buses were sky high.  Since this league supports alot of causes, they prefer to save on the banquet, rather than short change any of the causes they support.  This league was the one that did the bowling tournament for the stoller for Eric's class.  The teachers always had such a hard time taking the kids outside.  All they had was one wagon and two hands each.  (It was a triple decker stroller).  They raised over $2000. for the school as well. 

 

Next weekend is Kaelynn and Kevins Luau Birthday Party.  Kae will be 5 in June and Kevin 3 in December.  Rather than have two large birthday parties, Kevin and Jamie decided to consolidate their big parties and then have just a small family celebration on their special day.  To give another big party in December was so stressful on everyone.

 

Weekend after that is Father's Day and we are having a "TurkeyFest".  We have a LARGE Turkey in the freezer that's taking all my space, and have decided to cook it up with all the trimmings on Father's Day. 

 

It's nice to be keepig busy.  Jamie and Kevin took the kids to the circus not long ago.  Kaelynn loves hats -- I love this picture:

 

 

Ahhh - I finally had a good nights sleep last night.  First in a long time and it feels good.  Then I came here, determined to get back into my normal morning routine, not really expecting anyone has visited, and I see the comments you all left and know that you are all waiting patiently for me to get my act together.  I can't tell you what a wonderful feeling that is.  As for getting my act together, I can feel it coming. 

 

Work has been so slow lately and that hasn't helped.  Ladybug has the idea in her comment.  There is so much that needs to be done here at home, it drives me crazy to pace and try to find busy work.  Today I plan to get this space in shape and do some visiting - I miss it here.  There has been so much going on and I struggle with brain overload and my emotions are off the chart.  Not only do I miss it here, I need to be here.  I'm realizing my blogging has kept me on center most of the time.  The ability to get my feelings and thoughts out of my head, helped me to sort things out, and with all of your help, find solutions or even sometimes not....to just let things happen.

 

Jaime has been struggling with relationship problems and decisions and I hate that he is so far away.  I miss him terribly.  Nikki and Daniel are also struggling with relationship problems and finding their way on their own with so many added responsibilties.    Charlie is living at home and not very happy about that, and I worry that he has his priorities all mixed up and because he is so defensive it's hard to talk to him.  I want to wave a magic wand and make everything all better with all of them.  The only one I don't worry about is Little Kev - he has his head on pretty straight and is his happy go lucky self. 

 

And me -- well lets just say I'm learning.  Learning to let go and let them sort things out on their own.  Keeping quiet unless they ask is hard.  But I've seen progress without any help from me (amazing isn't it?? lol).  Yes, I know that letting them solve their own problems is helping them learn, but I'm so used to being the center of their lives I find it hard not to be anymore.

 

Ok enough for now -- anyway I have to get in the shower and go to work -- or should I say change computers.  Sigh - maybe today will be a bit busier.  Have a great day everyone!

I'm still here -- not much has changed.  I just thought I would say hello and play around with this place for a bit.

 

Thank you all -- for caring and commenting.  I will get around a bit today.  Work is boring -- so very slow, I finish with my work by 10 a.m. and spend the rest of the day searching for things to do.  On the up side, all my filing is done, most all of my drawers are cleaned out.  There are no useless piles of paper laying around and my envelopes, file folders etc. are restacked.  Ha!  Life is so exciting here huh?  LOL!

 

 

I'd like to say I haven't been here in awhile, but the truth is that I've come on a few times and when I go to update, I come up with nothing.  It's officially been 4 years since I've started this space, and so much has changed since then.  I don't take to change very well.  When I started this, it was all about my family and my home.  Kids, and eventually the grandkids.  I guess the reason I am finding it hard to update here is that those things have changed.  I may joke about the "empty nest syndrome" - but truth is, I really am lost.  Add my dad's illness into the deal and it's harder.  Add that he's moving farther away --- oh hell -- everythings changing. 

 

My children are grown and branching out into lives of their own that I have no part of.  And like I said I don't take to change very well.  I need to be needed.  Coming here reminds me of that because this space is very much my family and my home.  I have to find some new things, new focus and doing that has not come easy.  Ok - let me be honest - I haven't done it.   I don't know where to go from here.  There have been so many suggestions, focusing on myself, getting new hobbies, going to new places, do things I love.  I'm just not there yet.  I'm sure I will be. 

 

So I've been thinking that maybe it's time to change the content of my space here.  I've thought of giving it up, but when I think of the friends I've made here, I know there's no way I can do that.  At least not now.  Some start a new space elsewhere or just stop coming to their space all together.  I can't do that -- there's too much here to just walk away from.  So most of it will remain, but with some changes.

 

I do need some time to reinvent myself, so to speak, -- and some time to get over myself and stop my moping and whining. Finding a new focus for this space might be just the thing, so while you may not see a blog for a few days or a week at a time, you may see some changes and know that I am here. 

 

In the meantime, don't stop visiting.  I value your friendship - each of you.  You've helped pull me though other hard times -- and I'm grateful.

 

Deb

 

 

Yes, I'm still getting used to a empty house -- well, empty of kids that is.  I told Kevin last night we need to get a dog or something for a little excitement.  He just rolled his eyes.

 

We did have a full house on Sunday though.   The kids threw a surprise birthday party for Kevin when he arrived home from his bowling trip.  It was a nice ending to the weekend.  Our first "cook on the grill" day.  It felt good for us all to be together again, and outside.  Even though there is still work to be done outside the kids came up with stuff to do.  The whale pool wasn't up yet, the kids ball tent I have planned wasn't done, and of course the big pool wasn't opened -- but we had T-Ball, balloons, food and each other. 

 

Nothing special is planned for this weekend -- just the usual puttering around the house, inside and out.  We do need to pick up some new outside chairs this weekend -- our old ones are falling apart, thanks to my boys who like to wrestle - even at their age.  I'm hoping to corral Kevin into putting up the backsplash in the kitchen.

 

Today is Wacky Wednesday at the carwash and I had planned to get the car washed (it's cheap on Wacky Wednesday), but it's raining, so I don't know if it's worth it.  Maybe later this afternoon, cause I thought I would wax it this weekend.  Spring cleaning the car you might say.

 

Next Wednesday is my makeup Candle Party from when we were snowed out last one.  I sent out flyers this time ahead of the invitations and they came out great if I do say so myself.  We are having a Spa/Candle Party.  So far the girls are excited about it -- wine, cheese and crackers, fruit and CHOCOLATE -- added to the Spa stuff.  It's a nice breakup for the week. 

 

My dad's last chemo is today -- he said he would call later.  To be honest, I want to head up there maybe Thursday evening and spend Friday with him and come home Saturday morning.  He said he gets very achy and weak now a day or so after the sessions.  (you warned me of that gail and you were right).  Since he has already started the radiation I can imagine how much lower his immune system is.  He already developed an infection and they have him on oxygen at home now, as well as anitbiotics.  He claims it's just a little machine and he doesn't use it all the time, but just the fact that he has to have it at all scares me.  Going up there, I can access the situation for myself.  If you are reading this dad, beware -- LOL!

 

That's about it everyone.  I have to get ready for work.   If I don't get back this way, have a wonderful Mother's Day!  I think brunch on Sunday is in our plans, but not really sure yet.  I do know I'm headed out Sunday sometime to get some flowers to plant -- compliments of my hubby.

 

Take care and stay safe!