Profil de DeborahCOURAGE DOESN'T ALWAYS R...PhotosBlogListesPlus  |  Outils Aide |
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31 janvier Can't think of one ~~Weird - it feels like the days are flying by, but at the same time it feels like it will be January forever. I received a email in my spam folder a few days ago advertising a great deal on a Hawaiian Resort vacation, and I actually opened it to look at the pictures. White beaches and palm trees ....
Anyhow -- I'm avoiding the subject. I was sitting here for the last fifteen minutes staring at the blank screen trying to figure how to start. There's no easy way. My dad called on Thursday just a little bit after I arrived home from work. He does have cancer and as much as I had a feeling that was the case, it was quite a blow to hear it actually confirmed. My first thought was to throw the phone -- not knowing would make it not real yet. But considering the fact that my dad, while his voice was quiet and resigned, still showed just how strong he is by reminding me it was a step by step thing, and by no means an end. There are more doctors and such ahead to determine if it is in one place and can be removed or if there is more. That's the first step.
I don't know how I went calmly about the next few hours of the evening -- taking Kevin bowling, stopping at the store, starting dinner. I even tried to soothe an argument between Nikki and her best friend Teresa. That was a no go, as somehow I added more aggravation and stress to the pile I had inside me and I ended up yelling at Teresa on the phone (yes I called and apologized) and then ended up with Nikki mad at me.
Finally, the call I had been putting off (not yours g -- I am grateful you understood). I called my sister and I'm sure she thinks I'm insane. We talked of my dad and how each of us felt, the best we could. Before we hung up I babbled insanely something about having a huge summer picnic at my dad's and have everyone there -- how much he would enjoy it. It didn't occur to me until the next morning why she was so hesitant and quiet until finally agreeing that yes, we would do that. She was thinking in terms of "will he still be here in the summer"....I'm such an idiot that I missed that.
Anyhow, that is the way I am and always will be. A positive thinker -- If I let myself wallow in the negative (as I did yesterday), I lose myself. I won't talk about yesterday, it was a gray day for me. Scattered thoughts and tears. Going through the motions of the day like a zombie. I won't do my father the dishoner of behaving like that. He is still here and for all we know now, may still be here for a long time. Both my sister and I will share this journey with my dad, make more memories and move on.
Anyhow, I thought I would get dressed, take the paper and go have breakfast out, and head to the grocery store for some "football food" -- the boys are coming tomorrow for the Superbowl and they will be hungry as usual. I also have to make sure my Charger Jersey is ready. I'm rooting for the Cardinals, I really think they have a great chance regardless of what anyone says. And then there's the commercials....
Have a good weekend everyone -- I may pop back in again this weekend. 28 janvier Good MorningI just was around, trying to get some of my visiting done, but this old computer is slow this morning, and I have days worth to catch up on. It has been very slow at work, so I will take that opportunity to use my super turbo computer at work to get around. So if you haven't seen me yet, keep checking. I feel out of the loop.
Meanwhile, I've woken to more of that cold white stuff and have to start to get ready a bit earlier today so I can unearth my car. What a day this will be.
 Dad had his biopsy and is home resting. We will know more at the end of the week. 27 janvier Moving fowardIt looks like we are moving into February with another bout of snow. And meanwhile, the ad for Targ*t had bikini bathingsuits on sale. And I do mean bikini's -- underwear models are more covered up than they were.
Dad was discharged from the hospital last night about 7 p.m. I didn't realize they discharged people so late as that. I always thought it was done around noontime. He is back to his usual self - not wanting to be fussed over. When my sister was there on Sunday, he made her bring his truck to the hospital so he could drive himself home. No use fighting my Dad when he has his mind set on something. I was all set to take him to his biopsy today, but he called and told me a close family friend is taking him, as he didn't want me to travel witht the threat of so much snow. The only reason I let him get away with it, rather than asserting my stubborn self, is that the friend is more family than a friend, and my little Elantra would probably slide backwards down the mountain in that snow. The biopsy is a 15 minute procedure, and they keep him for an hour or two in a recovery room before sending him back home.
As for the friend, my sister and I call "Burka" our state brother. He is our age and he and Dad became close friends years ago when they were corrections officers together. He started calling us his State sisters and it's stuck. He hunts and fishes with my dad and even though Dad has retired, they spend alot of time together.
It is such a relief to see him feeling good and wanting his independence back again. To see him so sick and vunerable was such a jarring experience for both my sister and me. We will be going up the mountain a bit more often now to make sure he is taking care of himself. He is still working at the Racino as a security guard a few nights a week and keeps busy at the Fish and Game club a few miles from his house. In the meantime, we are praying the results of the biopsy are good. My sister keeps saying "a step at a time"....and she's right.
So that's it for now - please keep him in your prayers and know that I am grateful for your encouraging words and your friendship. Gail - I'll talk to you Thursday as planned. If you don't hear from me, know that I might be "on the mountain again" Till later!
24 janvier Where have I been?Usually the winter months for me are very slow and boring - with me anxiously awaiting the warmer weather so I could get outside and enjoy the sunshine. Was I ever wrong about this winter. From last Saturday to today it has been nonstop. Dinner with my Jersey girls was Saturday and baby Kevin's birthday party Sunday.
Fast forward to Monday when I got a call from my sister who told me my dad was in the hospital. He had severe pain in his hip, leg and groin and could not move. He managed to make it to the phone where he called an ambulance, but then couldn't get up off the floor. He lives waaay up on a mountain in Bleeker, NY. They finally found his house and managed to get him to the hospital and a neighbor (yes there is one house across the street thank heaven) called my sister the next afternoon. She or I should have been called when they saw the ambulance, but that's another story. My dad is so independent, he would never have called either of us, not wanting to be an inconvenience. Imagine that?
By the time she made it there, he had been given something for the pain and had some tests done. He was better and able to walk, and they were waitng for dad's doctor to examine him so he could have a cortizone shot. Arthritis was mentioned. After being informed that his dr. was on vaction they decided to discharge my dad and let him see the orthopedic dr when he returned, so my sister said she would call me when she got him home. There was no reason for me to come up, but I planned to go this coming weekend and would take him to his dr. appt when it was scheduled. All was well, or so we thought.
A few hours after my sister brought him home, he was having trouble breathing and severe pain in his chest. Good thing she had decided to spend the night rather than drive all the way home. She rushed him back to the hospital to the emergency room and once again it was decided to admit him. After hours of sitting and tests they finally got him into a room and my sister called me. (She should have called me sooner, but that's also another story, lol). To make a long story short,they ruled out heart problems, and are treating him for an infection in his lungs, as well as the pain which is still present in his hip and leg. They also have discovered a spot on his lungs, and he needs to have a biopsy. And yes, we are worried -- but have decided to take it a step at a time.
I am lucky enough to live only a half hour from the hospital, while my sister is 21/2 hours away in Newcomb, NY. Why dad's neighbor called her first we'll never know. I think they must like her better -- LOL! Anyway I've been dividing my time between the hospital and work. And I even manage to make it home to a sink full of dishes occasionally.
 I spent Wednesday night at my dad's with her so we could do the housework and some cooking for when he does get home. I was at the hosital all day Thursday and I have to go back up this morning for the day. My sister went home yesterday afternoon. She missed the whole week at her job, so I will take over for a bit. He will be discharged on Tuesday and I will take him directly to the outpatient for the biopsy. I'll be spending the night there Tuesday to monitor how he is doing. The weekend before this was busy as well. Saturday was alot of fun meeting the girls for dinner. We didn't get home till 11:00 p.m. and since Sunday mornings are my time with Eric to let Nik have a sleep late morning, I can tell you I was dragging around Sunday morning.
The restaurant we chose turned out to be a small pizza joint with a few tables. We had envisioned an actual restaurant, but no matter, we made do and shoved a few tables together. The food was excellent .... and lots of it. I'll have to go on Trip Advisor and do a review. That's where I usually go to check out of town places, such as hotels and restaurants. Since we were meeting halfway, none of us knew anyplace to meet. Kathie suggested Italian so I did what I could. It's hard when you really don't know the area you are heading for. It was so good to see them once again.
Sunday's birthday party for Baby Kevin was also fun. I think it was one of the best out of the parties we've had there. We had a small ball pit for the kids. For his first birthday Kevin and Jamie rented a bouncy bounce thing and I spent most of the party making sure Eric didn't get knocked over in it. Someone decided to see if the jukebox there worked and it did. The kids had a ball dancing and talking all of us into dancing as well. By that time I was cleaning up so I was saved from the embarrassing pictures. LOL!
So there you have it -- that's where I've been. It doesn't look much like things will slow down right away. Taking care of my dad is my top priority at this time. If you knew my dad, you would say he is fearless. He is a retired Navy Seebee, and a retired Corrections Officer. An avid (fanatic???) hunter and fisherman. A big outdoors man. He loves to cook and you never ever know what you will be eating when you go there. (example: once we had muskrat ewww) When we were little growingup in Jersey City he was a window cleaner in NY City and washed windows at the Empire State Building. The biggest building in NY at that time. There was no World Trade Center back then. And yes I know I'm showing my age --
. But he is not so brave now, and it is hard for my sister and I to see him this way, or to face the fact that there may come a time when he is not with us. I'm running out of time, so I've pretty much skimmed though all the details of the past week. It took hour upon hour to get previous medications straight, and so many different doctors involed we had to start writing things down. I don't think they chart things either right away, or at all t here, so we had to providethe same information over and over for each doctor he saw. Suffice to say I sure could use a vacation on a tropical island. It's time to get ready to head out -- I'm wishing you all a great weekend and will touch base here when I can.
16 janvier Hello from the Frozen TundraWhen I got up and was sipping my coffee, doing some visiting, we had no temperature. It was 0. Since I"ve been sitting here waking up, I noticed we now have a temperature. It's -5 degrees. MINUS!!! I really do not want to get in the shower and head out to work. This damn cold saps all the energy right out of me. Global warming my butt. I really do miss the warm weather.
Well at least I will be doing something this weekend other than sitting under my afgan. Things are set for our dinner meeting Saturday, and we will have the baby's birthday party Sunday.
I was able to put a few pictures of Christmas morning up. I really didn't want to because they came out so bad. I have to sit down tonight (it feels like I'm always sitting down nowadays) and try to do something with that camera for the upcoming weekend. I want a new computer, not a new camera. I swear, if I ever get it working right again, I will never touch another button that says Shutter settings or Aperature settings.
Other than that, that's all I have. One more cup of coffee - and I'm off to work. Since things are slow there, maybe I will add a few more pictures (as bad as they are). Can you tell I'm in a sucky mood? LOL!
Have a great weekend! 13 janvier Little bits of stuff
Things are just moving along here at a normal pace. A snails pace if you ask me.
This coming weekend will be busy though. We are headed to join my Jersey friends and their husbands for a early dinner on Saturday. Halfway for all of us is about Exit 17 on the NYS Thruway, so we found an Italian restaurant that has some good reviews. We will be able to make some plans for seeing each other more this year than we did last year.
Sunday is baby Kevin's birthday party. His actual birthday is December 20th (he turned two), but his mom wants to separate his celebration from all the Christmas celebrations. It's easier to have Kaelynns party in the summer (her birthday is June) at the house as everyone is outside. But in winter, she rents the small hall at the Elks club as the house is too small to hold everyone for baby Kevin.
That's pretty much it my friends. It's been so cold here (temps in the single degrees) and there is alot of snow. As you know from previous years, I do alot of hibernating during these months, so my life consists of mostly doing inside work, cleaning closets and all that fun stuff. I do try to get out when I can, other than work, going shopping and such, but the ice cold weather puts me off. I also read alot and watch movies and play with Eric.
Nikki and Daniel are actively looking for their own place. Nikki is so excited, it's all she talks about. Me, I'm excited for her -- but I know there will be a big gap, not having little Eric around. But let's not discuss that -- I'm dealing with it.....
I've decided to give a candle party in February. I love candles, especially P*rtyl*te....and I'm about out. Besides, I think it would give me something to do planning the party and will be nice to have everyone get together. I am not the only one who hibernates in the winter, so I see less of friends and family as well.
I brought back a huge turkey from my dad's house that I have to cook soon, as it is taking up too much space in the freezer. I'm talking HUGE....so I will invite the family over for a big dinner. We also brought back some venison and some catfish..thank heaven, he didn't give us muskrat this year....lol...although Kev Jr. loves that stuff. Ewww. You never know what we will bring back from the mountain. My dad is a big hunter/fisherman.
I'm mad at myself because I missed the first two nights of "24" which I love. Sunday night I completely forgot it was on, as I was so mad about my Chargers. Last night, I fell asleep on the couch, and because I planned to watch it, didn't set the DVR. Anybody have a tape of them, send it on here ...
So that's about it -- just little bits and pieces of what's happening here, which is really not much. I am anxious for the spring, but at the same time, I don't want to wish time away. I'm gong to download the manual for my camera at work, and see if I can't get my camera back to it's normal state.
Preferably before this weekend. The little booklet that came with the camera tells me nothing, but the one online is more detailed. Wish me luck... Meantime -- have a great week! Till later!
8 janvier Quick hello from work!This is different - usually I don't update here at work as there are too many distractions. I have been spending quite a bit of time trying to organize and weed out my Holdiay photo's. There turned out to be 263 on the camera. Some from the huge snowstorm, Christmas morning, Christmas Saturday, New Years Eve and Christmas at my Dad's on the mountain added into just random shots of Eric.
I've come to the conclusion that I took much better pictures before I took that darn photography class. For some reason they just don't seem as clear as before. I think I spend too much time fiddling around with things on there and I think I've messed it up. Why I couldn't just leave well enough alone I'll never know. I'm using Picasa to try to fix them a bit. (By the way ladies -- I don't have any of me and my haircut yet and there won't be any till Lady Clariol comes to vist this Saturday)...
 Here is a picture of our 4 generations. My dad, myself, my daughter Nikki and Nkki's little guy Eric. I'm headed back to play with the pictures. I hope you are all having a great day. It has been snowing on and off here all day. At least most of the ice from yesterday's ice storm is gone. Temps in the 20's and no sun. Wonder what the temp is in Anaheim for Jaime. Sure wish I could afford another visit.....
6 janvier Where's my brain??I got up early this morning fully intending to update and say hello to everyone and I've been sitting here for 10 minutes staring at the blank screen, my mind just as blank. I mean it's not as if nothing has happened. Maybe I just need more coffee. 4:00 a.m is kinda early. But that's never stopped me before.
Let's see - we went to my Dad's on Saturday and had a great time. And did you see my Chargers win on Saturday night?? Other than that I am hard pressed to come up with anything else much that happened, or ay excuse other than just pure laziness as to why I haven't been on here. Oh! How about the fact that this computer stinks? It works better in the early morning (kinda like me) than it does duirng the afternoon and evening. Right now, I'm typing faster than it can process, so I have to stop every few minutes and let it catch up. Therefore, since it is after Christmas my quest for a new laptop begins.
I have over 200 pictures on my camera from the last 2 weeks that I need to download. I was hoping that I would get to it at work yesterday. Not a chance. Monday's are always busy anyway, and with Friday, Saturday and Monday's mail it was even more so. But I'm caught up, so there's a good chance it can get done today. I also have to design and print baby Kevin's birthday party invitations. His birthday was December 20, but Jamie always celebrates it a few weeks after the holiday so it doesn't get mixed in with all the Holiday celebrations and more people can attend.
Speaking of pictures, I managed to go after work yesterday and get a much needed haircut. Looking at myself in some of the pictures, I thought "good grief Deb, what were you thinking???" Now all I need is a new body to go with it. LOL!
Ok - I've done enough meaningless rambling for this morning. I thiink I'll go do some visiting. I'm sure you all have your thoughts together more so than I do this morning. Or for the last few days for that matter. Hopefully, if you check back in, I'll have some pictures for you.
Till later! 1 janvier Yes, It will be a Happy 2009What a nice New Years's Eve we had. Kevin and I had decided to go out for a bit to the bowling alley to spend some time with friends. It's the first time in many years! Of course we promised the kids we would be back by 10:30 so they could have their own time also. Kevin, Jamie (girl), and Charlie came over to keep Nikki and Daniel company while we were out. They planned to all go out together when we got home. To our surprise, after we got home they decided we all were having such a good time, that they would stay and ring in the New Year with us. It was a pretty special moment for me - having my children greet the New Year with us. And amid all the shouting, hugging and kissing at midnight, I dialed Jaime in California and we shared it with him as well. Nothing else could have meant more to me than that.
It's a lazy day at MaDukes house today, so I won't post much. I just wanted to come on a bit and wish all of you a wonderful 2009. I'm looking forward to sharing mine with all of you and seeing what fills the pages of this year. So I'm sending my blessings to all of you - who have made the past few years I've been here such a joy.
Till later! Love you all!
P.S. I forgot to add the fact that at 3:00 a.m. the phone rang - annoucing the fact that Jaime wanted to share his New Year just arriving in California. What a kid! |
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